Be Here

Well.. sorry for that rant in my last post.. I was freaking out.
However, Casey did not go home :).

Anyways, that is not the reason why I am really writing this.
Sunday brought a lot of thoughts into my head..
That morning I was actually very, very reluctant to go to Church, for reasons such as 'I'm tired', 'it's just church', 'I honestly can't take going to Church'.
All of them really just excuses.
Little did I know that morning was actually going to change me, at least a little bit.
I'm not sure where exactly it hit me during Sunday school, but I realized that I would really like to teach a class. Not by myself because I don't think I'm quite ready for that, but rather with someone else I know pretty closely. After Sunday school, I was sort of out of the funk of not wanting to be at Church, but I still didn't want to sit through the service, at all. But I was thinking about Sunday school [it's kind of coming back to me now], and we were talking about confronting people you love about their sinful habits. I realized that someone I know and love dearly is kind of that person I need to confront. It made me mad that they were acting the way they were, but then I realized..I was slipping into those same habits. I needed that to stop as soon as possible. So during the service I decided that instead of dreading being there at that moment, maybe I should just put forth the effort into listening, and I mean really listening to what Titus was saying. I didn't realize that I was actually getting into it, and pulling out things I could use in my life. But noticing it afterward made me happy.
I'm finally pondering the concept of how I basically fell away from my faith, and really didn't do anything to stop it from happening. I will admit, sadly, that I noticed it as it was happening, but I really didn't care if it shouldn't have happened or not. Now, it upsets me to think that I did such a thing, because I would look at people and judge them for their nasty habits, but in reality I was turning into someone that, if it wasn't me, I would be judging as well. I really need this to stop, and as hard as it's going to be, it will end.
This fall I am going to help Ms. Kim with the 8th grade girls Sunday school class [which is actually going to be Mary's class as well], and hopefully gain some insight through that.
I know what a lot of you are probably thinking right now. 'What the heck..? What is she saying? Is she all of a sudden some 'shove-it-down-your-throat evangelist?!'
Nope. I'm not. I'm just realizing I was made for more than what I'm doing right now, and it's about time I act on that.