Life is so crazy sometimes, ya know?

The past month has been absolutely crazy for me. 

I worked full time for two weeks, and then on the 6th, I left for Snowbird for a week. 

I'll focus on Snowbird, cause that is the main thing right now. 

We left in the afternoon, which was different from past years, because we would leave around 2-3 a.m. Sunday night (or early, early Monday morning). This happened to be a very good thing for us, as our bus broke down. 

The alternator decided to go on vacation. We ended up making it to the Jacksonville airport, and then waited for three hours as we figured out a rental situation. At first, I was totally fine with this. It'd be a breeze, we'd still get there, I wouldn't have to drive, as we planned to take 3 15-passenger vans. 

Well, that wasn't the case. We could only get 3 12-passenger vans, so I was going to have to drive a suburban. Better than a big van, but I was gunna have to drive. Not my favorite thing to do with a ton of high schoolers. 

Now, listen. I don't dislike high schoolers, I just don't like driving long distances on interstates with anyone. 
To ease anyone's nerves right now, everything ended up being fine. I actually had a fun time driving, and on our way back home, I was bummed that I had to give the sweet Suburban back. 

Also, the power of prayer is amazing. Nerves were calmed and we got there safely and on time [almost - we like to eat].

Snowbird itself was amazing. 

It was kind of hard at first though, because I was actually planning on working there this summer. Clearly, that did not happen.

I'll tell that story later, but in short, I knew this year would be one of great sacrifices, including not working at Snowbird this summer.

It was a great time though. Perfect timing for me, as I was in dire need of just being immersed in Scripture and Biblical community. 

I was refreshed, I was re-energized [and de-energized...I stay up way too late having quality conversations there..haha], I was reminded of Who exactly my Savior is, and I was made aware of a lot of things regarding God's plan for me this past year. It was really cool to see life unfolding beautifully before my eyes. That mountain air will do you good, my friends. 

Coming home was very hard. I knew it would be though. It was insanely hard when we left in February. That sucked so bad.

I realized this though.... Snowbird is a place where your most intimate desire is met - to be one with your Creator. To know Christ, and to be known by Him.

And so when Saturday comes, and you have to leave a strong Biblical community, and you aren't completely immersed in Scripture all the time, things get really hard. 

The reason for this is because you are being torn away from what your heart was made for. 

You were made for all those things; Biblical community, being drenched in the Word, just being in Jesus' presence. You were made for that. 

That's why it is so freaking hard to leave. 

But, here's the thing...... we were promised trials and tribulation (1 Peter 4:12-19). Life on earth was never meant to be perfect. We get a glimpse of what Heaven will be like when we are finally united forever with our Father, but that isn't our purpose here on earth. 

Christ has commanded us to go (Matthew 28:18-20) making His Name known to all nations, so that in the end of time, when Jesus returns and we go Home with Him, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord and King of all. 

We will experience Him in all His glory when we are finally Home, not while we are here on earth. We have a mission right now, and it's our responsibility to respond to His command for us. Even when it's incredibly painful and hard. 

The Gospel is not something to be left at Snowbird. No, it's something to be taken to the ends of the earth, so that others may experience our Savior too.

Snowbird is a place to be equipped and prepared for our command to go. It is a place to be refreshed and filled with truth, but if we stay there and we don't take what we learned elsewhere, what good is that?

We were meant to GO.

Gah.

In addition to all that....

A lot was revealed to me while I was there. One thing being that, even in my selfish state of apathy, I feel, and have felt for a while now [even before I went to Snowbird for the first time], called to be there. To work there, to be a part of the Biblical community, to serve, and to just go there. 

It was quite apparent last summer, even more so after I worked a retreat there in February, but this time it was blatant, obvious, clear as day. I feel more than called to be at Snowbird. 

However, like I mentioned before, this year is not my time to be there. It will come though, I know that much. 

There was one day while I was there where I couldn't shake it. I knew it would become my home, even for just a little while... so I texted my mom. Ha. That was probably the lamest way to tell her, but I needed to right then. 

All I said was that I knew I was going to move there for a little while, and that I was going to work the next summer. We now casually talk about it. 

After I told her though..it all started to set in... I graduate in May. I will be done with school and my next stage in life will begin [really, I'm already in the process of being in it]. One that leads to new adventures and lots more uncertainty. I can do whatever I want! The options are endless and sometimes overwhelming, but I don't care about that..I just know North Carolina has half my heart, and I'm going to be with it. 

Here's the crazy part though... I definitely plan on working next summer, which will be three months in NC, but even more... I realized that after the summer, I don't have any plans. None for a job, none for where to live, none for..well, anything. Anything could literally happen. Maybe I'll choose to stay in North Carolina. Maybe I'll choose to move back to Florida. Maybe I'll be called elsewhere. The point is...my life is literally in God's hands, and I have no clue what He's gunna do with it. 

It's exciting, but it's also scary. Moving away from my family [even if it is for just three months of the summer] is a daunting thought. To move away from them for more than that is even more daunting...but I'm not fearful. It's scary, but I'm not bound by fear about it. I'm more liberated than anything. To know that I can seriously do anything..I mean, I could get whatever kind of job I want [obviously as long as it's somewhat practical..I am NOT going to be a doctor], I can live wherever I want to live, I can do whatever I want to do....IT'S CRAZY. 

Ok, reality check. I know a lot of you might be thinking this is not very realistic...well, let me clarify some things for you....

I know that:

• I might have to get a really sucky job as an accountant before I can get a fun job - sacrifices are required when you're taking risks
• I'm gunna have to work hard to get to where I want to be
• I'm going to have bills to pay, which might make living somewhere away from my family even harder at times, when it could totally be cheaper to live at home again
• I will still have a boatload of responsibilities, with lots more added
• Nothing is free - this goes along with pretty much all I've already said, but I'm saying it again
• BUT, I know that my God is sovereign and if He calls me to something, He will provide a way for me to be there and serve Him in it
• And since everything requires sacrifice, I know that in order to serve the Lord, I will have to deny my fleshly desires to do so. This doesn't mean I will be living a miserable life [Uh, NO. I will be living in the light of my Savior - that's the best life there is], but it does mean it won't always be easy. Things get really hard sometimes
• I also know that it will be worth it. I know I am called to be there, and even if it doesn't always seem like it, it is worth it. He is worth it. 

My brain is going a little too fast for me right now, so I'm not sure if all of this, let alone any of it, makes sense, but this is what's happening right now for me. 

Thanks for reading along.