So.. I meant to write this post last week at the latest.
Obviously that did not happen.
Here I go....
Alright, so I wanted to go in depth about faith and what it is and what it is doing to my life.
I guess the reason for me have putting this off for a while is because I was still trying to figure out where I am with that.
I think I know now.
About a month ago I went to my church's youth group to visit some people. I was at a place in my life where I didn't know what to do church-wise. I wanted to be involved some how, but I needed something for me too [which I think is more important]. And, to be completely honest, I hadn't found a place that I felt was right for me. A place where I felt a strong community and where I felt at home. A place where I belonged and was being called to.
I had literally given up the six-year search of looking for that place that Wednesday because I felt it was a hopeless case. I would never find what I was looking for, so I might as well go to the default.
Well, until a few days later on Sunday when I went with my friend to our friend's college ministry, Fusion.
We were so freaking out because we didn't think we'd know anyone [since our friend wasn't even going to be there that night], and were actually debating whether or not to go. We did. And holy moly, am I glad we did.
About 5 seconds in I saw a friend I hadn't seen in about eight years, and the greatest part was when I saw her, I felt so welcomed there. It was as if that time hadn't passed and we had seen each other the day before. Just talking to her for a few minutes I felt like I had found that place. During the worship I felt a connection with God I hadn't felt in forever. The connection I had been searching for for all these years. It was truly incredible.
I went back the next week to the Fusion Family Feast [Thanksgiving dinner] and was definitely nervous about it, but once again, once I walked in it was so normal and easy to be there. There were no awkward moments and no discomfort of being alone there. Everyone was so, so welcoming. It was really fun too. I was chatting it up with people I had literally just met and was being pretty darn outgoing for someone who used to hide behind my mom when I was little. It was pretty awesome. That night totally made it clear I was going to come back.
The next week was my birthday and my friend wasn't going to be there with me, so I was pretty nervous at first. I mean.. third time there without your definitely-going-to-sit-and-talk-with-you-friend is pretty nerve wracking at first. Add in it being your birthday and things could get awkward if people just stare at you and think, 'oh, she's older. yay.' Or not.. but, whatever. Sometimes it's awkward to have birthdays with strangers.. haha
Anyways...I walk in and immediately one of my new friends is skipping on over to me to say happy birthday. Night was made with that, so when a whole bunch of other people I had just recently met were saying the same thing, having full on conversations, acting like we've known each other for a while, I was pretty darn happy and totally felt at home there. Needless to say, it was one of the best birthdays of my life.
And actually... one of the adults, Mrs. Riendeau, I'm calling you out, said something to me during one of the songs during worship that night. Something that really got to me. Basically she told me that God was telling her to tell me that the song we were singing was for me. That song was "Beautiful Things" by Gungor, one of the most simply beautiful songs ever created. When she told me that I was kind of taken aback [in a good way] because it answered a question I was asking ever since I started going there; "is there where I belong?" Yep. Yeppity, yep, yep.
The answer was so stinkin clear after that. I kinda worried about not totally fitting in there because it seemed like everyone was so solid in their faith, but me.. well.. I fell away from mine during high school and I feared that I would never get to the point where they are.
The thing is.. I think I am almost there. Everyone has their faults, and everyone looks at them differently, but the one thing that really matters is that Christ has forgiven all faults and is sees us at beautiful beings, instead of screwed up misfits. He is constantly making us new, as long as we seek Him out.
I've been trying to do just that for years but never really feeling like I would truly be forgiven for the past, but what I failed to see was that I'd already been forgiven. Long before I fell away from my faith. Long before I was even born, I was already forgiven for what was to come. All I needed to do was seek it out. Seek Him out.
I've finally come to the point where I am becoming new in Him, and dang.. it feels awesome.
The past two weeks have just proven that I belong there. It is the place I have been searching for for years.
It's seriously so incredible that I was handed exactly what I'd been seeking out for on my own for so long. All I had to do what give Him the control.
I have to say the timing was awesome too.
So this past Wednesday I met with Richie, the pastor for Fusion, to talk about ways to get involved more with Fusion.
Dude. I've been there for a month and never have I ever acted that fast trying to be a part of something. I've definitely surprised myself with that, but I think it's just an awesome way of God saying, yet again, "Hey Hannah. This is where you belong."
So, yep. I'm gunna get to do more than just attend Fusion now, which makes me so stinkin excited. I literally cannot wait until Sunday. Actually I haven't been able to wait to Sunday ever since I started going.
There's more to it than just Fusion though. The community I have found with those people of Park Avenue is something I haven't experienced in years and it's something I don't want to let go of.
I talked to my mom after meeting with Richie, about what I was going to get to do to help out. And I was literally filled with so much excitement I know my mom heard it over the phone. She asked me if I wanted to start going to church there. Funny thing is, I was thinking the same thing last Sunday.
I think that this whole 'revival', of sorts, has really played a huge part in my life recently. I don't want to only so involved that I get my satisfaction on Sundays. I want to get so into it that it fills everyday with that kind of gratification. It's something I let pass me by for so long and I refuse to let that happen again.
This year is almost over and it has been made in the past month. Pretty crazy.
I cannot wait at all until next year. It's going to be ridiculously awesome.
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