The Change

So, I've been meaning to write this for probably two weeks now... Life got a little hectic though, so obviously I didn't.
I'm not really sure where to start, but I'll try my best.
Here I go...

Last semester I was taking a Graphic Design class and shared a website I made as my web design project. It's an actual website with an actual purpose, so through presenting it, I was able to share that purpose with my class and the song that inspired it.
What I created is a business where I can sell the stuff I crochet, or sew, or create in some way, and a portion of the proceeds goes to one of my favorite organizations, and another portion goes to local organizations or ministries. I call it Thrive.
My teacher wanted to know what inspired it, so I told him about a song that I hold close to my heart.
That song is "Thrive" by Switchfoot. It's insanely good and if you haven't heard it yet, PLEASE do. It will change your mindset [hopefully. It changed mine]. Anyway, there is a line in it that goes, "I want to thrive, not just survive." That sentence settled into my mind, but stirred something up in my heart. I wanted to do something that's bigger than just going through the motions of the typical life, whatever that is. I wanted to do something bigger than me.
I've had this urge to create and do something bigger than me for years. I went on a mission trip to Mississippi at the end of 8th grade to help reconstruct people's homes and lives after Katrina hit. It was incredible. I felt like the reason why I was there was my purpose in life. Basically I felt like I was called to just go and do. Go into the world and give back to the people that didn't have as much as me.
That feel never died out, but it faded into the background during high school. Those were my selfish years. Those were the years where I struggled to see the purpose in thinking of others before myself. Those were the years that sucked the most. I hated high school because of that.
However, once I had this serious awakening at the end of my senior year, that urge started to creep back into my mind. I was totally ok with that. I started looking for ways to get involved with making some kind of a difference. I mean, I had always been into that kind of stuff [TWLOHA, TOMS, Mocha Club, organizations like that] but never really did anything to really get into them. You know, make a difference through them. So, yea. I started seeking out ways to get more involved. If that meant buying their merchandise which then made up my apparel, then I was definitely getting with that. Ha ha.
Yea. So you can kinda see where I was headed. I just wanted to know I was doing something that others could benefit from. I needed to find what I could do though. Like, using my strengths and talents to make a difference in people's lives.
Then I realized I could totally make hats and scarves and sell them to do just that. That is when Thrive was born.
I'm kind of behind on it right now, because of everything life has thrown my way, but I'm not complaining. Everything that has happened in my life recently has been absolutely incredible. Places I never thought I'd find, people I never thought I'd meet, experiences I never thought I would get to live, they all came tumbling my way, one after another. Definitely not complaining.
Anyways, yea. I'm a little behind on getting stuff up on the online store, but I'll get there. Right now I'm just trying to give back in small ways, but ways that can make someone's day a little bit brighter.
I've been trying to be more selfless over this past year, never really sure if I was. I couldn't tell if I was making a difference in anyone's life, but I kept trying to put myself second. Of course it was hard a lot of the time. There are definitely times I struggle with thinking of others before myself. Like everyday. But there are a few things that have really enabled me to see that I was changing. Am changing.
When I gave my presentation with Thrive, it was the last class for two weeks. When I came back to class, one of the ladies in my class came up to me. She basically said thank you for sharing the song and that it came to her at a very appropriate time in her life. I was slightly stunned because I didn't know people would actually listen to what I said, let alone follow up on it! It made my night. When I went home, I told my mom all about it. Then, on Facebook, the same lady had posted the song on her wall and another lady from the course shared it. Both of them said seriously sweet things about me. I had a hard time actually believing I wasn't dreaming this up.
Oh hey, confession time...
During high school I had the crappiest self-confidence to ever exist. I beat myself up about almost everything. At the end of high school, when I had my 'awakening', I started to gain more and more self-confidence. I started seeing myself in a better light. I was basically in the dark during high school. These past two years, though, changed a lot in me. I'm beginning to see myself as the person God wants me to be, instead of comparing myself to the world and what they want me to be. I've gained a lot of self-confidence which has enabled me to do a lot. There are still a few things I struggle seeing, or rather, believing, such as the incredible sincere compliments I had received.
That leads me to another instance, this one more recent, where I was told something I couldn't believe.
A friend of mine, whom I have only met three times, sent me a comment over Facebook that basically said I was like his mom's friend, who, by his description, is a wonderful person.
You see, I have tried so hard to be that person- someone considered as good, or wonderful, or caring, or whatever- doing what I could to be more selfless, that I didn't even realize I was changing into that person. That realization was freakin insane.
Maybe I am the person I want to be. The person God wants me to be. Or at least I'm getting there.
Now, it feels, stronger than ever, that I am really being called into service and outreach. I want to use my actions to influence others. I want to speak to people, but not just say words. I want to move them.  I want to be able to have a positive affect on the lives around me. I know I'm capable of doing that, too.
I was talking to one of my best friends about our insane aspirations. I've already told you mine; being able to spiritually and mentally move people through my words and actions. I hope, one day, to reach more than just the people around me. For now, though, I'm focused on the here and now. Who is surrounding me in this moment, and how I can influence and help them.
Anyways, we were talking and she was telling me about what really wants to do in life, and, to be honest, it's a crazy dream. But, the things is.. I had that same dream. I mean.. I would still love to be able to do that, but I think I'm headed in a different direction and I'm more than ok with it. So yea, we were talking and because I know exactly how she feels, I basically gave it my all saying, "YES! Do it!! You can do it!! I'll help you! I'll do everything in my power to get you there!" Stuff like that. Then I told her what I wanted to do. She then went on to say that I would be great at that, because I was the only other person she really told what she wanted, and then she said I made her believe she could.
HOLY CRAP. What? I did that? Nahhh. That's a joke. Right? Well, no, cause we're still going headstrong towards her goal, and mine as well.
By the way, she wants to act, just to fill in all of you who were trying to figure that out. Ha ha.
Yea. So, it's instances like that that just get me. That make me believe I can do it. I can reach my goal. Really, the only person stopping me is me. 
It's a pretty cliche thing to say, but it's so true. We are our own worst enemy [yep. Another cliche saying] and we are the one's that see all our flaws and faults. We are the ones that notice what no one else does...then beats ourselves up about it. WE are the ones that tear ourselves down.
It's time to stop, guys.
We've got to stop seeing all the flaws in our lives, and start looking towards Him to find out what HE wants us to do.
It's a crazy feeling when you finally surrender the control you are constantly trying to keep over your lives, over to Christ. I'm not trying to be preachy here, but it's true.
He's changed me, guys. I didn't even realize it was happening, but it was..it is. He's making me new everyday, and He is giving me the ability to see my true potential. The one I've lied to myself about for years. He is the only reason I am able to believe that, yea, maybe I am the person all the people keep telling me I am. He is the only reason I could ever cause my friend to believe that she can achieve her dream.
It's not me, guys. It's Him.

You make me new. You are making me new.