Change

Ok.
I have one more thing to say.
As I have recently been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing career-wise, I have [I think I already said this...] decided to take a look at the things that I hold closest to my heart.
They would be:

• God & my faith
• My family
• My friends
• Music
• Art
• And helping others. 

I've come to realize that one of my life goals, for as long as I can remember, has been to change someone's life for the better. 

It's always been that.

I have always wanted to help others. Whether it's donating my time and money so they can have food and water to drink, or just by being a friend so they have someone there for them. It really doesn't matter what it is, I've always wanted to do something like that.

I was told a few times that I have, indeed, changed peoples lives. I was rather astonished when they told me. 

How could I, and we're talking about me, shy 'ol Hannah here, change someone's life? I have? Really?! 

I'm still in shock that I have, apparently, done so for people I hold close. 

Those few times I was told such a thing have really stuck with me. I made a difference in someone's life. In more than one person's life! That's kind of incredible when you think about it!

But back to my point.. I really want to start some sort of cause. I don't know what exactly for yet, or how in the world I can get something started up, but, hey...If I really want to do this, I can. I know it. 

I'm Lost

I thought I had it all figured out.
I thought I would be going into Accounting, enjoying it, thinking I had a good plan for where I was going to go career-wise.
Then I got to my Accounting class, I talked to my sister-in-law, and I started thinking.

I don't want to be an accountant, and the whole concept about accounting is not at all appealing to me. I thought I wouldn't mind it because it's just a part of business. But I do. Because it's not something I enjoy.
I want to do something I enjoy.
But not just that, either. I want to do something I enjoy, as well as having others benefit from it and make their lives a little brighter. You know?
That's what I want to do.
I don't think that's in accounting...

I have no idea what I want to do, but I think that's ok.
I know I want to go into Business, I'm just not sure what exactly.

I've decided that what all this is trying to tell me is that I just need to pray about it.
I need to focus on what GOD wants me to do. Not myself.

Also, I need to look at the things that make me, me. I need to take a look at the things I enjoy, and then see how I can use them for my main objective; enjoying it while helping others.

Ok, God. It's all in Your hands.

Best Friend

I have this deep desire:

I really want a best friend. More than that, really.
I want a guy best friend. One that can understand the things I'm trying to convey, but through a different perspective. One that respects the position of 'best friend'. One that whole-heartedly will back me up when I'm right, but purposely stands firm to his beliefs when he is right. One that can make me smile when it seems like my whole world is falling apart, but show me that there is still something to be thankful for. One that will comfort me when I need it, and hold me because he can. One that will love me for me, because he wants to.
I want a guy best friend that I can spend the rest of my life knowing that God picked him, specifically, just for me.

Right now, I really want to meet him. Or if I already met him, to start becoming good friends with him, that will eventually lead into being best friends. For life.
Is that selfish? That I just want my best friend to be here now? I just... I want to know he's out there and that he wants to meet me as much as I want to meet him.
I just want to be his friend. Now.

Tailgating

You know what I really don't like? When people ride on the back of my tail the entire time they are behind me. Come on, where is the common courtesy of backin it on up!?
It's not just that though. I really don't like it when cars are in front of me or behind me. Or at least in close proximity. Like, when I'm driving down River Road, I cannot stand it when there are cars near me. That's my peaceful drive, I usually drive alone unless I had to take someone some or pick them up or whatever. It is by far the most relaxing drive I know of and if there are cars either right smackdab in front of me, or tailing me the whole time, it takes away big time.
I like to go my own pace. I move at my own speed [unless it exceeds the speed limit.] I usually go under the speed limit though, so when someone is behind me, I have to go the speed limit other wise I tick them off. I really don't like that fact.
I want to live in a place where pretty much all the roads are as nice and relaxing as River Road [and I understand cars are going to be around, but limited driving please. Small town? I think yes.] Or, at least all the roads I will take. So, in other words, the back roads. They are as good as it gets, which is pretty decent.

Something else that comes to mind when I think tailgating is when someone is always behind you, right on your heels, following your every step. That could be considered tailgating too, right? I mean, they are right on your tail, whether or not they're in a car or not.
Anyways, it's really annoying when someone is always behind you, or always there; always following you. Can I broaden this up a bit and say doing everything you do? Or at least taking a big part of who you are and trying to be just like that part? It's flattering in a way, but it gets really tiring after a while trying to be your own person, but having this person try to be you too. I don't get flattered easily when it comes to that. It may just be who I am, but I think that people need some originality of their own. They need to think, breathe, and live their own thoughts and actions. Not someone else's.
I know this is rather off topic, but it needs to be said. If you're out there being someone else, you're wasting the good person you really are.
So, stop tailgating someone else's life. If it's not your own, don't live it. Simple as that.
Now, I'm not saying that they can't do some of the same things as you, or have some of the same interests and what not, but when they are basically turning into you. That's when it needs to stop. Right?
Ok. Done with the ranting...
I'll get back to being busy [oh wait. This is summer and I have nothing to do...better go clean].
Anyways...

Hope all is well!

~Hannah

Bucklin' Down

I grew up hearing that saying all the time. If you don't speak country [or southern, or whatever you wanna call it], it means, basically, to get down to business.
I think it's about time to buckle it on down.
With life and growing up and doing more than I choose to do, I mean.
This past week, for some reason, I, somewhat subconsciously, started doing more chores than I usually do [that means whoever had lunch the other day got off easy,] cooked more [and cleaned up!] and wasn't as reluctant to actually doing other people's jobs. It was slightly weird, but I had a pretty good feeling about it.
For a while now, I have tried to become the mature adult I should be by now [or at least, start to be by now.] It hasn't always followed through as planned, but there are some days where I feel like I am becoming more responsible. This week, for instance, I felt as if I was finally pulling my own weight, along with others. My only problem is my attitude. I still gotta fix that part, then I'm all good. I hope. Ha ha.
In doing so [taking on more responsibility, that is,] I started to think about my future a lot more. I used to never do that because I was so scared of not being prepared enough for it. However, now, I'm not so much like that anymore. It's pretty nice.
Anyways, I started putting pieces together. Like, how what I was doing right then was preparing me for my future and would benefit me in later years. Like washing dishes, for instance. We don't have a dish washer. Or, we do; seven of them. For all of you who are taking a while to catch on, that means we wash dishes...by hand. [GASP!] We've done it as long as I've been alive, and with nine people still living at home, that's quite a few dishes. So, back to my point, washing all those dishes, for all these years, is actually training me for when I'm older, either living on my own, or married with kids [I sincerely hope so. I do NOT want to be a creepy ol cat lady. Ew.] that I am going to have to support them by keeping the house clean. Plus, knowing how to wash dishes by hand, and get them clean, is really gunna help when [if we even have one] the dishwasher breaks.
That goes hand in hand with baking. I've been able to see quite a few ways how all my baking/cooking will benefit me in the future...

• I want to own a bakery 
• It will feed me family [and me!]
• It's a good way to make nice with neighbors ;)
• I HAVE A RIDICULOUS OBSESSION WITH BAKING

Yes, that last one had to be in caps. I really do. It's slightly awful when trying to eat healthy.. Oh well! I'll just learn to bake healthy stuff that actually tastes good. No big deal.

So yea. It's kind of awesome that I haven't been so freaked out about the future, but rather looking at it with a glimpse of hope for what I would like it to be.

Oh one more thing. I have to live out in the country. Or, if that can't happen. I have to have at least an acre.

No. 

That would kill me. Give me at least two acres.
Hmm. Well I sure do hope I didn't bore you too much. 

Anyways,  have a dandy day [or night. It's almost 11:30 p.m. here]!

~Hannah